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User talk:MassMickley
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The GreenVeldt page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content, or something that you wrote instead of found on the Internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Sloshedtrain (talk) 09:25, December 28, 2013 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:34, June 17, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story wasn't up to quality standards. First things first with the smaller issues: coding issues. This is how your story appears in editor mode. " It's been a long day and an even longer week. Sometimes it feels like ends meet isn't even worth the load of exhaustion that comes with it. " These coding issues are on every line and it makes it hard to edit/read. Dialogue should also be spaced out so two people are not talking in the same paragraph. ""Well, I'm number 124, so that means they are 127." I grinned a little as she began ... There was a pause on the phone. "Umm," She muttered." Wording issues: "Sometimes it feels like (making) ends meet isn't even worth the load of exhaustion that comes with it.", "No noise, no nothing. Nothing(,) but dead silence." Also as you use 'nothing' earlier, variation is needed to prevent redundancy. "...felt myself start to drift, even in spite (despite) of the paranoia." In spite implies something else entirely. Capitalization issues: " "Umm," She (she) muttered. "Sir, we don't have any records of anyone living in 127."" Punctuation issues: I would reserve ellipses for pauses in dialogue as using them as a 'dramatic pause' tends to come off as a bit overly dramatic. (Additionally 5+ times is a bit overused.) Story issues: here's where the major problems were. The story has been done quite a few times before most notably in Hole in the Wall, but the concept of something above/below the apartment has been covered by other authors too. You should also make a connection between the noises upstairs and how they entered the closet: ("my closet starts to creak open"). The dreams could also use more connection to the creature/prevalence in the story as it just seems the prophetic dream was added in at the very end for the ending. There also needs to be a bit more build-up to the story as we have multiple stories about home/apartment invasions so a fresh take is needed. :No problem, in the story deletion message, there is a link to the writer's workshop. I would suggest taking your next story there as most users are willing to help critique and point out stumbling areas in your story before they are subjected to our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:30, June 17, 2015 (UTC)